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I Wanna Be Sedated
MWAHAHAHA, I FINISHED THIS FUCKER!
Continued from this
I Wanna Be Sedated (or, The End)
NC-17 | Kurt/Puck, Will/Finn | ~15000 words (\o/)
Terri thinks Disney, happy endings abound.
Mr. Schue smells really nice up close. Which is a weird thought for Finn to be thinking, except he's sort of curled around a sleeping Mr. Schue with his nose tucked into his teacher's neck. It would be a lot more awkward if he wasn't so comfy. His eyes don't want to open, and he knows his face is probably all swollen from crying.
He tries to pulls back and Schue mumbles in his sleep, tightening his grip around Finn's waist.
Oh well. He doesn't have to go to the bathroom that bad anyway.
It's been a weird week. Thank god it's over, yesterday was Friday. Schue grumbles in his sleep again, shifting his legs under the blankets that Finn probably kicked off in his sleep. Oops, sorry about that, Mr. S, he thinks, pulling them back up.
He should call his mom.
Later.
He cried a lot last night, cried so much that he'd got Mr. Schue going too -- what with his own baby issues, he's probably the only person who can understand just how shitty Finn feels right now -- and then fell asleep on Schue's bed. The only good thing he'd done was convince Schue that they could share the stupid bed, which had made him feel like less of a waste of space, but not by much.
Schue still has puffy red bags under his eyes. Finn kisses his cheek -- gently, the poor guy needs it -- before disentangling himself and going outside to let his mother know he's not dead in a ditch somewhere.
___
Puck's face feels like hamburger from Finn beating on him, but he's not afraid to show off his battle scars in public, and Hummel's the first person who calls Saturday morning, so Puck's gracing him with his presence at the little mom and pop ice cream parlor a few blocks down from Puck's house.
"Why did you buy me ice cream?" Puck asks, his mouth full of mint chocolate-chip. Normally he hates the stuff, but the cold feels good on the insides of his bruised cheeks.
Hummel shrugs, playing with his plastic spoon. Puck would've expected him to get bubblegum flavor -- it's bright pink, enough said -- but he'd gone with plain chocolate. "It's hot out, and I'd have flashbacks if I bought you a slushie."
Puck nods, chewing the end of his spoon. "Are we on a date?"
"... Yeah, I think we are," Kurt says.
"Cool." Puck says amiably. "Am I gonna get lucky?"
Hummel scowls at him, Puck fake kisses the air in his direction, so Hummel kicks him in the shin under the table Puck flings a scoop of mint green dairy product at Kurt, missing his face entirely and landing in a glob on his jacket.
"Oh no you did not," Hummel says.
"I think I did." Puck says, just in time to get a glob of chocolate on his nose. It drips into his open mouth. "Bitch!"
"Hey," Hummel says, expertly blocking a glob of mint with his napkin, "I paid for your food, you're the bitch."
"Fuck you, Hummel," Puck says, scooping out ice cream with his hand like a snow ball -- yeah, shit totally just got real. Kurt makes a noise suspiciously similar to a squeak -- Puck'd be overjoyed if he had it on tape, honestly -- and ducks under the table.
"Excuse me!"
Puck and Kurt both freeze, Kurt halfway under the table. The manager is standing at the foot of their table, and his face is an interesting, if fatal looking purplish color. "What. Are. You doing?"
"Food fight," Puck says, smirking. "See?"
Puck is such a badass, because only badasses could throw an ice cream snowball with one hand, while simultaneously grabbing Hummel's skinny wrist with his other hand, and running them both out of the ice cream parlor before the owner even gets a good enough look at his face for a police sketch.
He'd like to see Finn do that.
"You're fucking insane, you know that, right?" Kurt says when Puck throws him into the passenger seat. He's laughing.
"You love it."
___
Artie's never played phone tag before. It's not as fun as he thought it would be.
It starts like this: Mercedes hears about Finn and Puck fighting, and calls Kurt to get the scoop. When Kurt doesn't answer, she calls Tina, who calls Artie and then drags him into the most terrifying three way call he's ever participated in. After twenty minutes of interrogation he is forcibly nominated to call Finn because of what Mercedes calls his "wheelchair immunity".
Thankfully Finn's phone is busy.
Artie then calls Mercedes back, who connects him with Brittany and Santana -- that conversation reminds him of Penn and Teller, not that he'd ever say that out loud -- who double team Puck's phone number to bitch the gossip out of him. Puck doesn't answer either, leaving a fuming Santana with no one to hit. Brittany tries to calm her down, Artie doesn't know how, but it sure sounds interesting over the phone.
There's only two options left.
Brittany and Santana take Quinn, and, yet again, Artie's writing down a phone number he's never called before to talk to someone he really doesn't want to talk to.
Rachel. AKA Captain McCrazypants.
She picks up on the first ring.
"Finn? Finn, is that you? I heard about what happened, it's so awful, what Quinn did to you-- "
"Um," Artie clears his throat. "It's me. Artie. Not Finn."
"Oh."
"What happened to Finn?"
Artie hears a crackling noise. He thinks it might be the sound of Rachel being mortified into her phone. Or, y'know, she's making popcorn.
"Nothing! Well, almost nothing..."
"Almost nothing?"
"Okay, more than that, but you can't tell him I told you," she pleads.
"I won't," Artie assures her. He'll tell everybody else, but not Finn.
"Alright," Rachel sighs, the sound hissing out of her like a hot air balloon. "So, you know how Quinn's pregnant?"
"Vaguely," Artie deadpans. Rachel does not seem to appreciate his sense of humor.
"It's not Finn's baby."
"... What?"
"It's Puck's."
"... What? Wow, that's... "
"It's awful! How could she do that to him?"
Artie half nods, half shrugs. There isn't really an answer to that, and even if there was it wouldn't be enough to derail Rachel's tangent. Mercedes owes him so big after this.
"... it's bad upbringing, I tell you, who could even think like that -- what's that noise?"
Artie realizes that he's tapping out the beat to Rebel Yell on the side of his phone. "Nothing. Um, I think I have to go, Rachel, bye."
"Okay... goodbye," Rachel says awkwardly. Artie feels a little bad, but, it's Rachel. She can handle it. He thinks. He'll complement her tomorrow to make up for it. He speed dials Tina, who connects him straight to Mercedes. He's excellent at this information retrieval thing, maybe he should be a spy. Nobody suspects the guy in the wheelchair.
"Quinn's having Puck's kid and Finn found out," Artie blurts.
"What?" Tina gasps. "That's terrible!"
"Damn. How'd Finn find out?" Mercedes asks.
"... I don't know," Artie says.
"Why not?" Mercedes asks, and Artie can tell just by the tone of her voice that her hands are on her hips in no-nonsense-bitch position.
"Didn't ask."
Artie would make a terrible spy.
There's a guilt-inducing silence over the line.
"You ask her!" Artie says. "You're better at this than I am!"
"Boys," Mercedes huffs.
"Uh huh," Tina agrees.
Artie's torn between offended and relieved.
"Call her up," Mercedes says.
Great, more phone tag. If he lives through this, Artie is becoming a hermit that doesn't believe in phones. He dials out -- his cell phone feels warm in his hand, this thing hasn't gotten this much action in a while, he hopes it has some stamina or he's in trouble -- and waits for Rachel to pick up, humming under his breath.
"Hello? Artie, is this you?"
"Uh, yeah. And Tina and Mercedes."
"Hi," the girls chorus awkwardly. Rachel echoes.
"Well," Artie says. "I'll leave you three to it."
He hangs up before anyone can say anything. He'll consider that the favor Mercedes owes him.
___
The bed dips slightly, but it's enough to wake Will up. At first he thinks it's Terri and flinches -- now he flinches at the thought of his wife? -- but whoever it is is way too big to be her. Will can feel the edge of a thick, muscled arm next to his own. He cracks one eye open.
It's Finn. Will relaxes.
The bed shakes as Finn settles himself in. It's a tight fit, they tangle together, although Finn seems to be trying to move Will as little as possible. Will watches through one eye as Finn bites his lip to tuck the blankets around them, going slowly and carefully. Finn takes a few deep breaths and lays back next to Will. He doesn't really have enough room to move his arms, so Will throws him a bone, sleepily shifting closer so Finn's arm can wrap around him. Finn gently rolls him closer, until Will's head is pillowed on his student's chest.
On his student's chest. His underage student.
Fuck.
"Uh, morning, Mr. Schue," Finn says. Will's not really sure when he opened his eyes all the way, but he knows that he really doesn't like that. "Thanks for letting me sleep here."
"Yeah, Finn. Sure," he says. He fakes a stretch and sits up on the edge of the bed, wondering what the hell he's supposed to do now, because it's not like he's ever been in this situation before, and he can't possibly make it more awkward. He's going to get fired for trying to help a desperate student, fucking fuck.
Finn's stomach rumbles loudly. Will snorts with laughter.
"Uh, sorry," Finn says, propping himself up on his elbows. "I'm a growing boy?"
"I'm sure you are," Will says, patting him on the shoulder. "Breakfast?"
___
"Hey, wait," Kurt says as they pull up to a stop light. "This is my car, why the hell are you driving?"
"I called driver," Puck says, smirking. He only has one hand on Kurt's baby's steering wheel.
"Fuck no," Kurt says. Puck's smirk widens dangerously, and Kurt unconsciously grabs at his seat belt to make sure it's still buckled.
"You sure you don't want shotgun?" Puck asks, his voice half an octave lower. His hand lands on Kurt's leg, Puck's thumb slowly rubbing circles over Kurt's knee, sending little shivers up his leg.
"Uh," Kurt says. He thinks he forgot the argument. Puck's hand inches higher as the car starts forward, like the momentum is pushing it towards Kurt's crotch, which he really does not mind. At all. Puck's pinky touches the edge of Kurt's zipper and he nearly comes in his pants -- just from that -- and Puck totally knows it.
He is so fucked.
Puck's sliding his zipper down so slowly that Kurt can hear every individual chink sound as it opens, and it's driving him crazy, even though in any other context that might be the least sexy noise imaginable. Puck's driving his baby one handed -- something Kurt'll be furious about later, because, holy shit, Puck's hand is on his cock, and it's totally different from Kurt's hand. Bigger, hotter, guitar calluses, wow, those might be his new favorite thing about Puck.
Kurt's eyes slide shut, a soft sound passing between his lips.
"Like that, huh?" Puck rumbles.
"You're good at this," Kurt whispers, only Puck flicks his wrist in the middle of Kurt's sentence, making the second half more of a moan. Bastard. He swears he hears Puck growl at the same time his baby makes a sharp swerve, effectively knocking him out of his happy place.
"Fucking learn how to drive!" Puck screams out the window, sliding his thumb over the head of Kurt's cock. A nearby horn blares and Puck's hand speeds up.
"Focus," Kurt demands. "Please."
Puck slows his pace -- apologetically? -- from breakneck to torturously slow, Kurt's baby drives a straight line, and all would be right with the world if Kurt could just fucking come already. His hips buck up into Puck's hand.
"Christ, Hummel."
The car swerves again. Kurt doesn't think it was the other driver's fault, nor does he really care. The car swerves again, and Kurt cracks his eyes open. They're driving into an empty parking lot.
"You're so fucking distracting," Puck growls, slamming the gearshift into park. Kurt wants to laugh, but he really can't, since Puck's redoubling his efforts to get him off now that they're not moving. Fuck, and Kurt's coming, just like that.
All over his new jeans.
He has to learn some restraint.
___
Never give up has always been Terri's motto, and it had worked through all her marriage until this point. Why give up on a good thing, when she has a whole arsenal at her disposal?
"I'm not giving you a discount on this," the store-worker says, the Joker's catchphrase glaring across his chest.
"Yes, you are," Terri insists, leaning in threateningly. "What's your name?"
"Carl..."
"Well, Carl, you're giving me a discount for one simple reason," she says sweetly.
"Why is that, exactly?"
Terri leans in so close that she can feel Carl's scared breath on her face.
"Because, I am a woman with nothing to lose."
Seventy percent discount on her miracle potion, half the battle's won right there.
___
Mr. Schue orders Finn an omelet the size of his head and calmly sips coffee while Finn inhales it along with a glass of chocolate milk. Schue's normally tamed hair is bed head messy and he's wearing his pajama shirt, making him look so much younger it's a little weird that Finn never noticed it before. How young Mr. Schue is. It's weird, because all the other people in the restaurant might mistake him for Finn's brother, or his friend.
Or his boyfriend.
Finn chokes a little on his milk.
"You okay?" Schue chuckles.
Finn nods frantically, downing more milk to wash out his throat. What the hell is wrong with him? Mr. Schue is a guy, and a teacher, and a guy. Just because they slept in the same bed and Finn kissed him... Wow, how did it take Finn this long to question his sexuality?
He feels so stupid. He might cry. Again.
"Finn?" Schue asks. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Finn says, trying to smile.
"Okay... You want to go home?"
Finn thinks for a second, about going home and facing his mom after all this. She liked Quinn, a lot. She cried more than Finn did when he told her the whole story. He really doesn't think he can handle that right now.
"Can I... would it be okay if I... stayed with you today?"
Schue bites his lower lip and frowns, making Finn's heart sink. Of course he can't. "Sorry, forget I asked."
"No," Schue says hurriedly, "you can, it's alright with me, but... are you sure you want to? I'm a pretty boring guy."
"You're not boring, Mr. S," Finn says sincerely.
Schue smiles at him. It's nice.
They probably look even more like boyfriends now.
___
Terri bribes the girl at the check in desk to tell her which room Will is staying in, then tips her another ten for the spare room key.
"I don't like this," Carl hisses.
"Stop whispering," Terri tell her unwilling sidekick. "It makes us look suspicious."
They're inside Will's room, and Will's out, perfect. She hates resorting to this, but he gave her no choice. His papers are scattered all over the room -- it's like a snowstorm of Spanish words and music notes -- and one of the beds is unmade. Scowling, Terri sniffs at the pillow. It smells like her husband's hair gel, not perfume. Good, then it's not too late.
"Give it here," Terri says, gesturing at Carl. He tosses her a corked bottle.
"One or two drops should do it," he hisses.
Terri soaks the pillow with half the bottle.
"Hey!" Carl cries indignantly. "That stuff's expensive!"
"Quit whining," Terri says, handing him the bottle. "I hope you have a ride."
"What?"
"I'm not driving you downtown," Terri says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I need to stay here and wait for my husband."
"You're insane, lady," Carl says. Terri doesn't disagree with him.
___
According to Mercedes, she and Artie are not even. They are so not even close to even that she feels it necessary to force him into her mom's minivan -- kidnapping basically, and his parents go along with it because it's so rare for him to go anywhere, especially with girls, insert gasp of surprise/joy here -- and taking him to Finn's house.
They pick up Tina on the way, and she seems apologetic, so Artie pouts mostly in Mercedes' direction.
"I don't see why I have to be here," Artie says.
"Because you're a guy," Mercedes says. "We can't comfort him completely, so we brought you. Be a man."
Tina nods in agreement.
Artie wants to make the argument that he's only half a man, but he doesn't think it'll do him any good. And it might make Tina cry, so that's out of the question.
His cell phone vibrates in his shirt pocket. It's Finn.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Artie, did you call me earlier?" Finn says. He sounds fine.
"Yeah, Finn," Artie says. Mercedes' head whips around so fast that Artie is worried they're going to crash the car. Tina makes a hand motion and Mercedes turns back around, thank god.
"Uh, why?"
"Um," Artie says. Tina shrugs. "I wanted to know... if you had Mr. Schue's phone number? I need his help with something," he says off the top of his head. Mercedes scowls at him. Artie sticks his tongue out at her and Tina laughs.
"Oh, you want to talk to him? He's right here, just a sec."
Artie honest to god squeaks.
"Artie? Hi, what was it you wanted?"
"Uh. Well, um." He looks around the car frantically. "Tina wanted to ask you something." He shoves the phone at her.
"H-hi, Mr. Schue," she says, reverting back to her fake stutter. "I w-was wondering... if you had extra sheet music for that s-song we're doing? My d-dog ate mine." Artie and Mercedes both snort with laughter. "Yeah, he's... s-something else. Okay, thank you. B-bye."
"Sorry," Artie says when she hands him back his phone.
"Why is Finn hanging with Mr. Schue?" Mercedes asks. Tina and Artie shrug. "Fucking weird."
"Maybe they're..." Tina trails off.
"No!" Mercedes screams, outraged.
Artie blushes when he figures out what they're implying.
"They did both just get dumped..." he says. "By... girls."
"That did not suddenly make them switch teams," Mercedes screams. "They're probably just..."
"Just what?" Artie asks.
"Shut up," Mercedes says.
___
Is finn gay? Mercedes texts Kurt.
"What?" Kurt squeaks. He's sitting on the floor -- these pants are ruined anyway -- of the self help section at Barnes & Noble, watching Puck out the giant window as he raids the food court directly across the mall-street. He never thought he'd enjoy something as lame as a mall date, but this is actually pretty fun.
why? he texts back.
Hes on a date w. mr s, Mercedes sends him.
"What?!" Kurt squeaks louder. A woman at the other end of the aisle glares at him. Puck comes walking out of the food court with a tray piled high with greasy, disgusting mall food. Kurt watches him pull his phone out of his pocket.
where r u? Puck sends. Kurt sighs as he types his reply.
b&n, be right there. is finn gay?
He watches Puck stare in stunned confusion at his phone.
no, u like him?
Kurt honestly doesn't know how to answer that. A few days ago, yeah, he liked Finn a lot. Maybe even loved him. But today, after Puck -- and Mr. Schue, he nearly forgot that part -- he doesn't think so. Maybe?
idk, he texts back, standing up and brushing book dust off his jeans.
He sees Puck scowl through the window.
___
"So, what do you want to do?" Will asks. He has no idea how to entertain a teenager that doesn't involve teaching them how to do something.
"... What were you going to do?" Finn asks. Will pulls into the parking space nearest to his door. He was probably going to sleep, but that it not a two person activity. Despite the fact that they already made it one.
"Grade papers," he says.
"Cool," Finn says amiably. "Could I help?"
"I don't see why not," Will answers, stepping out of his car. It's a little funny to watch Finn getting in and out of his tiny vehicle, but Finn makes it work, somehow, without getting stuck.
"How do you grade papers?" Finn asks nervously.
"It's not hard, I promise."
" 'Kay," Finn says. Will's stomach flutters and he fumbles with the door key. It takes two more tries than it should -- he's a grown man! -- but he gets the door open and feels vaguely like he did the first time he took Terri up to his bedroom when his parents were on vacation.
And then a pillow hits him in the face. A smell like rotting fruit fills his mouth and he coughs.
"Will, I miss you so much!" Terri says. Will's eyes are watering too much to see her right.
"So you throw things at my head?"
"Mr. Schue? You alright?"
"I did it to help us, Will, you know I did."
Will feels dizzy.
"Mr. Schue?"
"Will?"
Too dizzy. And tired.
The ground feels really far away. Finn's strong arm catches Will just before he hits it. Both their voices mix together like swirling paint as he falls asleep.
___
Schue drops like a bowling pin -- Finn can almost hear the clatter.
"Let go of him!" Mrs. Schue screams, diving at her husband, but Finn's the only thing holding Schue up so he's not going to let go even if she claws his face off.
"What did you do?"
"I'm taking my husband back!" she says, pulling at Schue's arm.
"You killed him!"
Mrs. Schue whaps him upside the head so hard he sees stars. "I did not. Let go so I can wake him up."
"What did you do?" Finn asks, still holding Schue tightly. Mrs. Schue scares him.
"I put him to sleep, and now I'm going to wake him up with a kiss," she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"... Like sleeping beauty?"
"Yes, now put him down."
"... So you can kiss him?"
She whaps him again. "Just do it!"
Rubbing the side of his head, Finn gently sets Schue on the floor. After what she did to him everything in Finn wants him to run away and take Schue to the hospital or something, but Mrs. Schue might know what she's doing. She might be the only way to make sure Schue's okay. She places one tiny little hand on the back of Schue's neck and tilts his head up. Mrs. Schue murmurs something in his ear before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
Finn's heart hurts.
"He's not waking up," he points out.
"Give it a minute," Mrs. Schue snaps.
The longest minute Finn's ever felt passes.
"He's still not waking up."
Schue's chest is barely moving with his breaths.
Mrs. Schue kisses him again.
"What did you do?"
"I just..." Mrs. Schue says -- oh shit, she sounds scared. "I just gave him this thing, and he's supposed to wake up when I kiss him. I don't know..."
"What did you give him?" Finn yells, and he hates yelling, but he can't not yell, he's so fucking scared.
"A... potion-thing!" Mrs. Schue answers -- is she crying? Finn's going to lose it if she starts crying -- "he's supposed to wake up when his true love kisses him!"
"That's not you," Finn snaps. It's the meanest thing he's ever said, hands down, and he's not sorry. Mrs. Schue looks up like he just slapped her. "After what you did, that's not you."
Mrs. Schue gapes at him. "No, that can't be right. I must've over dosed him. I'll just..."
"Get out," Finn says.
"What?"
"Get. Out." Without giving her any time to object, Finn grabs her by the arm and pulls her up. He feels crazy-angry and pushes her out the door.
"That's my husband!" she shrieks.
Finn slams the door in her face.
___
get here now, Tina, Mercedes and Artie all get from Finn at the same time, along with an address and room number.
"Should we?" Tina asks, looking at her phone.
"Yeah," Artie says, staring down Mercedes.
"Definitely," Mercedes answers.
___
Kurt and Puck's phones go off at the same time, the sounds of a deep bass rumble and Olivia Newton John clashing against each other.
It's a text from Finn.
"He sounds desperate," Kurt says.
"Yeah, I guess."
"We should go."
Puck shrugs.
"Okay, what is your deal, he's your friend," Kurt demands. They're cruising around in his car -- Kurt's driving, so Puck can eat -- and Puck's been sulking almost this whole time.
"And you're the one who's in love with him, so you go," Puck snaps.
Kurt gapes at him. "What?"
"You fucking like Finn," Puck snarls. "I should've known, because everybody fucking likes Finn. He's as dumb as a fucking post but everybody with a vagina is head over heels for him."
"I do not have a vagina!" Kurt protests.
Oops.
Puck glares at him, crossing his arms over his chest.
"We're still going," Kurt says, turning the car around.
___
Rachel gets a text from Finn while she's eating lunch. She really, really hopes it's Finn asking if she can come over so he can cry on her womanly shoulder and she can sing him to sleep so tomorrow he'll have forgotten all his troubles and they can finally be together, but it's not.
It's an address, along with the words get here now.
A motel address.
She never expected Finn to do something like this -- it's so forward --, but if it's what he needs...
Rachel writes her dads a note and rushes to her car.
___
One by one the entire glee club filters into the motel room, and all of them go silent when they take one look at Schue. They all stare hard, watching to see if he's breathing.
And then they look at Finn. He knows, he's seen it eleven times now, and no one says anything at all. It's like a funeral.
He shouldn't think that.
Finn waits until everyone has made it -- even Puck and Quinn, even though he doesn't even want to be in the same city as them right now -- before he tells them what's going on.
"Schue's wife gave him something, and now he won't wake up."
"Take him to the hospital," Rachel says. "We're glad you called us but --"
"That won't work," Finn interrupts.
"Why the hell are we here then?" Puck asks. Finn barely stops himself from punching him.
"Because, Mrs. Schuester" -- Finn's throat closes up just calling her that -- "said that he's supposed to wake up if the right person kisses him."
"Like Snow White?" Tina asks, awed. Kurt and Artie glare at her.
"Snow White was actually dead in the original story," Rachel chimes in, then cringes when her brain catches up with her mouth. "Sorry."
"Yeah, like Snow White," Finn says, "or Sleeping Beauty. I figured, since we're kind of his favorites... maybe it's one of us."
"This is ridiculous," Kurt says, stepping forward. "Finn, sweetie, I know you're upset but..."
"Please?" Finn asks. Shit, he's crying again. "Just... pretend it's not crazy, for a second? What else are we supposed to do?"
Everyone goes silent. Until Quinn steps forward.
"So, we just... kiss him?"
Finn nods. He still can't quite understand what he feels towards Quinn -- Angry? Betrayed? Sickened? -- but he's grateful for this, and he thinks she knows it.
"You better not give me detention for this," she whispers, leaning down and giving Schue a quick peck.
Nothing.
Quinn steps back into the crowd, and Rachel takes her place.
"I can... I can do it too," she tells him.
After her is Brittany, who gives Schue a peck on the cheek when he doesn't wake up, then Santana, then Tina, then Mercedes.
Nothing.
"Girls aren't the only people with lips," Kurt says defiantly. He looks around, as though expecting someone to stop him, and kisses Schue.
Zilch.
"I ain't kissing him," Puck says, scowling. Matt punches him in the arm, and Finn hopes it hurt.
"Guess it's your turn, Finn," Kurt says. "Unless you already... ?"
"No," Finn says. He'd never even considered himself an option, because sometimes he really is that stupid.
He walks up to Schue, and he wants to say his teacher looks peaceful, serene, and all those other good words, but mostly he looks pale, tired and sort of dead. Finn absently combs a bit of stray hair off Schue's forehead as he leans down.
He's only kissed a handful of people -- Quinn, Rachel, his junior high girlfriend -- all girls, and all of them awake at the time, so he's not really sure how to go about this other than just doing it. So he does, he closes that last little bit of distance and fits his lips to Schue's. His lips are really warm.
Finn stays there for two heartbeats -- is his heart beating faster or slower than usual? He can't tell -- and backs away.
Nothing.
Finn is definitely crying now, and he can feel someone behind him -- Rachel? Kurt? Quinn? -- touch his arm and say something in a soothing voice, like he's a spooked animal.
"Maybe we should take him to the hospital now? Okay, Finn?"
And he's answering, "yeah, yeah we should," without really hearing himself. He is so fucking stupid. If Mr. Schuester dies, it'll be all his fault for going through with this, oh god, how is he this fucking dumb?
"You're not stupid, Finn, you're upset," someone says. Great, now his brain filter's broken on top of everything else. Everybody wraps around him, pulling him blindly into the center of the group, patting his back and whispering things in his ears and Finn fucking cries like a baby.
"He'll be okay."
"You're gonna be fine."
"We got you."
"So. When you guys said you'd get along over my dead body, you really weren't kidding, were you?"
Tina screams in Finn's ear. Schue -- awake, Jesus Christ he's awake -- laughs. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
Finn hugs him so hard he nearly knocks him off the bed.
"I'm glad you're not dead," he whispers.
Schue kisses his temple and ruffles his hair.
~fin
Epilouge
Puck walks into school on Monday feeling thoroughly gayer, in all senses of the word. After the queer fest on Saturday, he's not sure if he wants to take a few hundred hetero-showers and get it off him, or just deal.
It did feel pretty awesome to watch Schuester wake up like that, with everybody hugging him and making stupid jokes. And now Finn and Mr. Schuester are in a weird sort-of-relationship thing that everyone in the glee club is pretending not to know about, but whatever.
Puck thinks he can deal with it. This time.
Hummel is at his locker, sans fag hag. Puck walks up to him and drapes himself over the locker next to his.
"What are you gonna do, now that Finn's off the market?" he asks.
"I guess I could settle for you," Hummel answers, not missing a beat. He's smiling.
Puck smiles back.
This he can definitely deal with.
Continued from this
I Wanna Be Sedated (or, The End)
NC-17 | Kurt/Puck, Will/Finn | ~15000 words (\o/)
Terri thinks Disney, happy endings abound.
Mr. Schue smells really nice up close. Which is a weird thought for Finn to be thinking, except he's sort of curled around a sleeping Mr. Schue with his nose tucked into his teacher's neck. It would be a lot more awkward if he wasn't so comfy. His eyes don't want to open, and he knows his face is probably all swollen from crying.
He tries to pulls back and Schue mumbles in his sleep, tightening his grip around Finn's waist.
Oh well. He doesn't have to go to the bathroom that bad anyway.
It's been a weird week. Thank god it's over, yesterday was Friday. Schue grumbles in his sleep again, shifting his legs under the blankets that Finn probably kicked off in his sleep. Oops, sorry about that, Mr. S, he thinks, pulling them back up.
He should call his mom.
Later.
He cried a lot last night, cried so much that he'd got Mr. Schue going too -- what with his own baby issues, he's probably the only person who can understand just how shitty Finn feels right now -- and then fell asleep on Schue's bed. The only good thing he'd done was convince Schue that they could share the stupid bed, which had made him feel like less of a waste of space, but not by much.
Schue still has puffy red bags under his eyes. Finn kisses his cheek -- gently, the poor guy needs it -- before disentangling himself and going outside to let his mother know he's not dead in a ditch somewhere.
___
Puck's face feels like hamburger from Finn beating on him, but he's not afraid to show off his battle scars in public, and Hummel's the first person who calls Saturday morning, so Puck's gracing him with his presence at the little mom and pop ice cream parlor a few blocks down from Puck's house.
"Why did you buy me ice cream?" Puck asks, his mouth full of mint chocolate-chip. Normally he hates the stuff, but the cold feels good on the insides of his bruised cheeks.
Hummel shrugs, playing with his plastic spoon. Puck would've expected him to get bubblegum flavor -- it's bright pink, enough said -- but he'd gone with plain chocolate. "It's hot out, and I'd have flashbacks if I bought you a slushie."
Puck nods, chewing the end of his spoon. "Are we on a date?"
"... Yeah, I think we are," Kurt says.
"Cool." Puck says amiably. "Am I gonna get lucky?"
Hummel scowls at him, Puck fake kisses the air in his direction, so Hummel kicks him in the shin under the table Puck flings a scoop of mint green dairy product at Kurt, missing his face entirely and landing in a glob on his jacket.
"Oh no you did not," Hummel says.
"I think I did." Puck says, just in time to get a glob of chocolate on his nose. It drips into his open mouth. "Bitch!"
"Hey," Hummel says, expertly blocking a glob of mint with his napkin, "I paid for your food, you're the bitch."
"Fuck you, Hummel," Puck says, scooping out ice cream with his hand like a snow ball -- yeah, shit totally just got real. Kurt makes a noise suspiciously similar to a squeak -- Puck'd be overjoyed if he had it on tape, honestly -- and ducks under the table.
"Excuse me!"
Puck and Kurt both freeze, Kurt halfway under the table. The manager is standing at the foot of their table, and his face is an interesting, if fatal looking purplish color. "What. Are. You doing?"
"Food fight," Puck says, smirking. "See?"
Puck is such a badass, because only badasses could throw an ice cream snowball with one hand, while simultaneously grabbing Hummel's skinny wrist with his other hand, and running them both out of the ice cream parlor before the owner even gets a good enough look at his face for a police sketch.
He'd like to see Finn do that.
"You're fucking insane, you know that, right?" Kurt says when Puck throws him into the passenger seat. He's laughing.
"You love it."
___
Artie's never played phone tag before. It's not as fun as he thought it would be.
It starts like this: Mercedes hears about Finn and Puck fighting, and calls Kurt to get the scoop. When Kurt doesn't answer, she calls Tina, who calls Artie and then drags him into the most terrifying three way call he's ever participated in. After twenty minutes of interrogation he is forcibly nominated to call Finn because of what Mercedes calls his "wheelchair immunity".
Thankfully Finn's phone is busy.
Artie then calls Mercedes back, who connects him with Brittany and Santana -- that conversation reminds him of Penn and Teller, not that he'd ever say that out loud -- who double team Puck's phone number to bitch the gossip out of him. Puck doesn't answer either, leaving a fuming Santana with no one to hit. Brittany tries to calm her down, Artie doesn't know how, but it sure sounds interesting over the phone.
There's only two options left.
Brittany and Santana take Quinn, and, yet again, Artie's writing down a phone number he's never called before to talk to someone he really doesn't want to talk to.
Rachel. AKA Captain McCrazypants.
She picks up on the first ring.
"Finn? Finn, is that you? I heard about what happened, it's so awful, what Quinn did to you-- "
"Um," Artie clears his throat. "It's me. Artie. Not Finn."
"Oh."
"What happened to Finn?"
Artie hears a crackling noise. He thinks it might be the sound of Rachel being mortified into her phone. Or, y'know, she's making popcorn.
"Nothing! Well, almost nothing..."
"Almost nothing?"
"Okay, more than that, but you can't tell him I told you," she pleads.
"I won't," Artie assures her. He'll tell everybody else, but not Finn.
"Alright," Rachel sighs, the sound hissing out of her like a hot air balloon. "So, you know how Quinn's pregnant?"
"Vaguely," Artie deadpans. Rachel does not seem to appreciate his sense of humor.
"It's not Finn's baby."
"... What?"
"It's Puck's."
"... What? Wow, that's... "
"It's awful! How could she do that to him?"
Artie half nods, half shrugs. There isn't really an answer to that, and even if there was it wouldn't be enough to derail Rachel's tangent. Mercedes owes him so big after this.
"... it's bad upbringing, I tell you, who could even think like that -- what's that noise?"
Artie realizes that he's tapping out the beat to Rebel Yell on the side of his phone. "Nothing. Um, I think I have to go, Rachel, bye."
"Okay... goodbye," Rachel says awkwardly. Artie feels a little bad, but, it's Rachel. She can handle it. He thinks. He'll complement her tomorrow to make up for it. He speed dials Tina, who connects him straight to Mercedes. He's excellent at this information retrieval thing, maybe he should be a spy. Nobody suspects the guy in the wheelchair.
"Quinn's having Puck's kid and Finn found out," Artie blurts.
"What?" Tina gasps. "That's terrible!"
"Damn. How'd Finn find out?" Mercedes asks.
"... I don't know," Artie says.
"Why not?" Mercedes asks, and Artie can tell just by the tone of her voice that her hands are on her hips in no-nonsense-bitch position.
"Didn't ask."
Artie would make a terrible spy.
There's a guilt-inducing silence over the line.
"You ask her!" Artie says. "You're better at this than I am!"
"Boys," Mercedes huffs.
"Uh huh," Tina agrees.
Artie's torn between offended and relieved.
"Call her up," Mercedes says.
Great, more phone tag. If he lives through this, Artie is becoming a hermit that doesn't believe in phones. He dials out -- his cell phone feels warm in his hand, this thing hasn't gotten this much action in a while, he hopes it has some stamina or he's in trouble -- and waits for Rachel to pick up, humming under his breath.
"Hello? Artie, is this you?"
"Uh, yeah. And Tina and Mercedes."
"Hi," the girls chorus awkwardly. Rachel echoes.
"Well," Artie says. "I'll leave you three to it."
He hangs up before anyone can say anything. He'll consider that the favor Mercedes owes him.
___
The bed dips slightly, but it's enough to wake Will up. At first he thinks it's Terri and flinches -- now he flinches at the thought of his wife? -- but whoever it is is way too big to be her. Will can feel the edge of a thick, muscled arm next to his own. He cracks one eye open.
It's Finn. Will relaxes.
The bed shakes as Finn settles himself in. It's a tight fit, they tangle together, although Finn seems to be trying to move Will as little as possible. Will watches through one eye as Finn bites his lip to tuck the blankets around them, going slowly and carefully. Finn takes a few deep breaths and lays back next to Will. He doesn't really have enough room to move his arms, so Will throws him a bone, sleepily shifting closer so Finn's arm can wrap around him. Finn gently rolls him closer, until Will's head is pillowed on his student's chest.
On his student's chest. His underage student.
Fuck.
"Uh, morning, Mr. Schue," Finn says. Will's not really sure when he opened his eyes all the way, but he knows that he really doesn't like that. "Thanks for letting me sleep here."
"Yeah, Finn. Sure," he says. He fakes a stretch and sits up on the edge of the bed, wondering what the hell he's supposed to do now, because it's not like he's ever been in this situation before, and he can't possibly make it more awkward. He's going to get fired for trying to help a desperate student, fucking fuck.
Finn's stomach rumbles loudly. Will snorts with laughter.
"Uh, sorry," Finn says, propping himself up on his elbows. "I'm a growing boy?"
"I'm sure you are," Will says, patting him on the shoulder. "Breakfast?"
___
"Hey, wait," Kurt says as they pull up to a stop light. "This is my car, why the hell are you driving?"
"I called driver," Puck says, smirking. He only has one hand on Kurt's baby's steering wheel.
"Fuck no," Kurt says. Puck's smirk widens dangerously, and Kurt unconsciously grabs at his seat belt to make sure it's still buckled.
"You sure you don't want shotgun?" Puck asks, his voice half an octave lower. His hand lands on Kurt's leg, Puck's thumb slowly rubbing circles over Kurt's knee, sending little shivers up his leg.
"Uh," Kurt says. He thinks he forgot the argument. Puck's hand inches higher as the car starts forward, like the momentum is pushing it towards Kurt's crotch, which he really does not mind. At all. Puck's pinky touches the edge of Kurt's zipper and he nearly comes in his pants -- just from that -- and Puck totally knows it.
He is so fucked.
Puck's sliding his zipper down so slowly that Kurt can hear every individual chink sound as it opens, and it's driving him crazy, even though in any other context that might be the least sexy noise imaginable. Puck's driving his baby one handed -- something Kurt'll be furious about later, because, holy shit, Puck's hand is on his cock, and it's totally different from Kurt's hand. Bigger, hotter, guitar calluses, wow, those might be his new favorite thing about Puck.
Kurt's eyes slide shut, a soft sound passing between his lips.
"Like that, huh?" Puck rumbles.
"You're good at this," Kurt whispers, only Puck flicks his wrist in the middle of Kurt's sentence, making the second half more of a moan. Bastard. He swears he hears Puck growl at the same time his baby makes a sharp swerve, effectively knocking him out of his happy place.
"Fucking learn how to drive!" Puck screams out the window, sliding his thumb over the head of Kurt's cock. A nearby horn blares and Puck's hand speeds up.
"Focus," Kurt demands. "Please."
Puck slows his pace -- apologetically? -- from breakneck to torturously slow, Kurt's baby drives a straight line, and all would be right with the world if Kurt could just fucking come already. His hips buck up into Puck's hand.
"Christ, Hummel."
The car swerves again. Kurt doesn't think it was the other driver's fault, nor does he really care. The car swerves again, and Kurt cracks his eyes open. They're driving into an empty parking lot.
"You're so fucking distracting," Puck growls, slamming the gearshift into park. Kurt wants to laugh, but he really can't, since Puck's redoubling his efforts to get him off now that they're not moving. Fuck, and Kurt's coming, just like that.
All over his new jeans.
He has to learn some restraint.
___
Never give up has always been Terri's motto, and it had worked through all her marriage until this point. Why give up on a good thing, when she has a whole arsenal at her disposal?
"I'm not giving you a discount on this," the store-worker says, the Joker's catchphrase glaring across his chest.
"Yes, you are," Terri insists, leaning in threateningly. "What's your name?"
"Carl..."
"Well, Carl, you're giving me a discount for one simple reason," she says sweetly.
"Why is that, exactly?"
Terri leans in so close that she can feel Carl's scared breath on her face.
"Because, I am a woman with nothing to lose."
Seventy percent discount on her miracle potion, half the battle's won right there.
___
Mr. Schue orders Finn an omelet the size of his head and calmly sips coffee while Finn inhales it along with a glass of chocolate milk. Schue's normally tamed hair is bed head messy and he's wearing his pajama shirt, making him look so much younger it's a little weird that Finn never noticed it before. How young Mr. Schue is. It's weird, because all the other people in the restaurant might mistake him for Finn's brother, or his friend.
Or his boyfriend.
Finn chokes a little on his milk.
"You okay?" Schue chuckles.
Finn nods frantically, downing more milk to wash out his throat. What the hell is wrong with him? Mr. Schue is a guy, and a teacher, and a guy. Just because they slept in the same bed and Finn kissed him... Wow, how did it take Finn this long to question his sexuality?
He feels so stupid. He might cry. Again.
"Finn?" Schue asks. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Finn says, trying to smile.
"Okay... You want to go home?"
Finn thinks for a second, about going home and facing his mom after all this. She liked Quinn, a lot. She cried more than Finn did when he told her the whole story. He really doesn't think he can handle that right now.
"Can I... would it be okay if I... stayed with you today?"
Schue bites his lower lip and frowns, making Finn's heart sink. Of course he can't. "Sorry, forget I asked."
"No," Schue says hurriedly, "you can, it's alright with me, but... are you sure you want to? I'm a pretty boring guy."
"You're not boring, Mr. S," Finn says sincerely.
Schue smiles at him. It's nice.
They probably look even more like boyfriends now.
___
Terri bribes the girl at the check in desk to tell her which room Will is staying in, then tips her another ten for the spare room key.
"I don't like this," Carl hisses.
"Stop whispering," Terri tell her unwilling sidekick. "It makes us look suspicious."
They're inside Will's room, and Will's out, perfect. She hates resorting to this, but he gave her no choice. His papers are scattered all over the room -- it's like a snowstorm of Spanish words and music notes -- and one of the beds is unmade. Scowling, Terri sniffs at the pillow. It smells like her husband's hair gel, not perfume. Good, then it's not too late.
"Give it here," Terri says, gesturing at Carl. He tosses her a corked bottle.
"One or two drops should do it," he hisses.
Terri soaks the pillow with half the bottle.
"Hey!" Carl cries indignantly. "That stuff's expensive!"
"Quit whining," Terri says, handing him the bottle. "I hope you have a ride."
"What?"
"I'm not driving you downtown," Terri says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I need to stay here and wait for my husband."
"You're insane, lady," Carl says. Terri doesn't disagree with him.
___
According to Mercedes, she and Artie are not even. They are so not even close to even that she feels it necessary to force him into her mom's minivan -- kidnapping basically, and his parents go along with it because it's so rare for him to go anywhere, especially with girls, insert gasp of surprise/joy here -- and taking him to Finn's house.
They pick up Tina on the way, and she seems apologetic, so Artie pouts mostly in Mercedes' direction.
"I don't see why I have to be here," Artie says.
"Because you're a guy," Mercedes says. "We can't comfort him completely, so we brought you. Be a man."
Tina nods in agreement.
Artie wants to make the argument that he's only half a man, but he doesn't think it'll do him any good. And it might make Tina cry, so that's out of the question.
His cell phone vibrates in his shirt pocket. It's Finn.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Artie, did you call me earlier?" Finn says. He sounds fine.
"Yeah, Finn," Artie says. Mercedes' head whips around so fast that Artie is worried they're going to crash the car. Tina makes a hand motion and Mercedes turns back around, thank god.
"Uh, why?"
"Um," Artie says. Tina shrugs. "I wanted to know... if you had Mr. Schue's phone number? I need his help with something," he says off the top of his head. Mercedes scowls at him. Artie sticks his tongue out at her and Tina laughs.
"Oh, you want to talk to him? He's right here, just a sec."
Artie honest to god squeaks.
"Artie? Hi, what was it you wanted?"
"Uh. Well, um." He looks around the car frantically. "Tina wanted to ask you something." He shoves the phone at her.
"H-hi, Mr. Schue," she says, reverting back to her fake stutter. "I w-was wondering... if you had extra sheet music for that s-song we're doing? My d-dog ate mine." Artie and Mercedes both snort with laughter. "Yeah, he's... s-something else. Okay, thank you. B-bye."
"Sorry," Artie says when she hands him back his phone.
"Why is Finn hanging with Mr. Schue?" Mercedes asks. Tina and Artie shrug. "Fucking weird."
"Maybe they're..." Tina trails off.
"No!" Mercedes screams, outraged.
Artie blushes when he figures out what they're implying.
"They did both just get dumped..." he says. "By... girls."
"That did not suddenly make them switch teams," Mercedes screams. "They're probably just..."
"Just what?" Artie asks.
"Shut up," Mercedes says.
___
Is finn gay? Mercedes texts Kurt.
"What?" Kurt squeaks. He's sitting on the floor -- these pants are ruined anyway -- of the self help section at Barnes & Noble, watching Puck out the giant window as he raids the food court directly across the mall-street. He never thought he'd enjoy something as lame as a mall date, but this is actually pretty fun.
why? he texts back.
Hes on a date w. mr s, Mercedes sends him.
"What?!" Kurt squeaks louder. A woman at the other end of the aisle glares at him. Puck comes walking out of the food court with a tray piled high with greasy, disgusting mall food. Kurt watches him pull his phone out of his pocket.
where r u? Puck sends. Kurt sighs as he types his reply.
b&n, be right there. is finn gay?
He watches Puck stare in stunned confusion at his phone.
no, u like him?
Kurt honestly doesn't know how to answer that. A few days ago, yeah, he liked Finn a lot. Maybe even loved him. But today, after Puck -- and Mr. Schue, he nearly forgot that part -- he doesn't think so. Maybe?
idk, he texts back, standing up and brushing book dust off his jeans.
He sees Puck scowl through the window.
___
"So, what do you want to do?" Will asks. He has no idea how to entertain a teenager that doesn't involve teaching them how to do something.
"... What were you going to do?" Finn asks. Will pulls into the parking space nearest to his door. He was probably going to sleep, but that it not a two person activity. Despite the fact that they already made it one.
"Grade papers," he says.
"Cool," Finn says amiably. "Could I help?"
"I don't see why not," Will answers, stepping out of his car. It's a little funny to watch Finn getting in and out of his tiny vehicle, but Finn makes it work, somehow, without getting stuck.
"How do you grade papers?" Finn asks nervously.
"It's not hard, I promise."
" 'Kay," Finn says. Will's stomach flutters and he fumbles with the door key. It takes two more tries than it should -- he's a grown man! -- but he gets the door open and feels vaguely like he did the first time he took Terri up to his bedroom when his parents were on vacation.
And then a pillow hits him in the face. A smell like rotting fruit fills his mouth and he coughs.
"Will, I miss you so much!" Terri says. Will's eyes are watering too much to see her right.
"So you throw things at my head?"
"Mr. Schue? You alright?"
"I did it to help us, Will, you know I did."
Will feels dizzy.
"Mr. Schue?"
"Will?"
Too dizzy. And tired.
The ground feels really far away. Finn's strong arm catches Will just before he hits it. Both their voices mix together like swirling paint as he falls asleep.
___
Schue drops like a bowling pin -- Finn can almost hear the clatter.
"Let go of him!" Mrs. Schue screams, diving at her husband, but Finn's the only thing holding Schue up so he's not going to let go even if she claws his face off.
"What did you do?"
"I'm taking my husband back!" she says, pulling at Schue's arm.
"You killed him!"
Mrs. Schue whaps him upside the head so hard he sees stars. "I did not. Let go so I can wake him up."
"What did you do?" Finn asks, still holding Schue tightly. Mrs. Schue scares him.
"I put him to sleep, and now I'm going to wake him up with a kiss," she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"... Like sleeping beauty?"
"Yes, now put him down."
"... So you can kiss him?"
She whaps him again. "Just do it!"
Rubbing the side of his head, Finn gently sets Schue on the floor. After what she did to him everything in Finn wants him to run away and take Schue to the hospital or something, but Mrs. Schue might know what she's doing. She might be the only way to make sure Schue's okay. She places one tiny little hand on the back of Schue's neck and tilts his head up. Mrs. Schue murmurs something in his ear before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
Finn's heart hurts.
"He's not waking up," he points out.
"Give it a minute," Mrs. Schue snaps.
The longest minute Finn's ever felt passes.
"He's still not waking up."
Schue's chest is barely moving with his breaths.
Mrs. Schue kisses him again.
"What did you do?"
"I just..." Mrs. Schue says -- oh shit, she sounds scared. "I just gave him this thing, and he's supposed to wake up when I kiss him. I don't know..."
"What did you give him?" Finn yells, and he hates yelling, but he can't not yell, he's so fucking scared.
"A... potion-thing!" Mrs. Schue answers -- is she crying? Finn's going to lose it if she starts crying -- "he's supposed to wake up when his true love kisses him!"
"That's not you," Finn snaps. It's the meanest thing he's ever said, hands down, and he's not sorry. Mrs. Schue looks up like he just slapped her. "After what you did, that's not you."
Mrs. Schue gapes at him. "No, that can't be right. I must've over dosed him. I'll just..."
"Get out," Finn says.
"What?"
"Get. Out." Without giving her any time to object, Finn grabs her by the arm and pulls her up. He feels crazy-angry and pushes her out the door.
"That's my husband!" she shrieks.
Finn slams the door in her face.
___
get here now, Tina, Mercedes and Artie all get from Finn at the same time, along with an address and room number.
"Should we?" Tina asks, looking at her phone.
"Yeah," Artie says, staring down Mercedes.
"Definitely," Mercedes answers.
___
Kurt and Puck's phones go off at the same time, the sounds of a deep bass rumble and Olivia Newton John clashing against each other.
It's a text from Finn.
"He sounds desperate," Kurt says.
"Yeah, I guess."
"We should go."
Puck shrugs.
"Okay, what is your deal, he's your friend," Kurt demands. They're cruising around in his car -- Kurt's driving, so Puck can eat -- and Puck's been sulking almost this whole time.
"And you're the one who's in love with him, so you go," Puck snaps.
Kurt gapes at him. "What?"
"You fucking like Finn," Puck snarls. "I should've known, because everybody fucking likes Finn. He's as dumb as a fucking post but everybody with a vagina is head over heels for him."
"I do not have a vagina!" Kurt protests.
Oops.
Puck glares at him, crossing his arms over his chest.
"We're still going," Kurt says, turning the car around.
___
Rachel gets a text from Finn while she's eating lunch. She really, really hopes it's Finn asking if she can come over so he can cry on her womanly shoulder and she can sing him to sleep so tomorrow he'll have forgotten all his troubles and they can finally be together, but it's not.
It's an address, along with the words get here now.
A motel address.
She never expected Finn to do something like this -- it's so forward --, but if it's what he needs...
Rachel writes her dads a note and rushes to her car.
___
One by one the entire glee club filters into the motel room, and all of them go silent when they take one look at Schue. They all stare hard, watching to see if he's breathing.
And then they look at Finn. He knows, he's seen it eleven times now, and no one says anything at all. It's like a funeral.
He shouldn't think that.
Finn waits until everyone has made it -- even Puck and Quinn, even though he doesn't even want to be in the same city as them right now -- before he tells them what's going on.
"Schue's wife gave him something, and now he won't wake up."
"Take him to the hospital," Rachel says. "We're glad you called us but --"
"That won't work," Finn interrupts.
"Why the hell are we here then?" Puck asks. Finn barely stops himself from punching him.
"Because, Mrs. Schuester" -- Finn's throat closes up just calling her that -- "said that he's supposed to wake up if the right person kisses him."
"Like Snow White?" Tina asks, awed. Kurt and Artie glare at her.
"Snow White was actually dead in the original story," Rachel chimes in, then cringes when her brain catches up with her mouth. "Sorry."
"Yeah, like Snow White," Finn says, "or Sleeping Beauty. I figured, since we're kind of his favorites... maybe it's one of us."
"This is ridiculous," Kurt says, stepping forward. "Finn, sweetie, I know you're upset but..."
"Please?" Finn asks. Shit, he's crying again. "Just... pretend it's not crazy, for a second? What else are we supposed to do?"
Everyone goes silent. Until Quinn steps forward.
"So, we just... kiss him?"
Finn nods. He still can't quite understand what he feels towards Quinn -- Angry? Betrayed? Sickened? -- but he's grateful for this, and he thinks she knows it.
"You better not give me detention for this," she whispers, leaning down and giving Schue a quick peck.
Nothing.
Quinn steps back into the crowd, and Rachel takes her place.
"I can... I can do it too," she tells him.
After her is Brittany, who gives Schue a peck on the cheek when he doesn't wake up, then Santana, then Tina, then Mercedes.
Nothing.
"Girls aren't the only people with lips," Kurt says defiantly. He looks around, as though expecting someone to stop him, and kisses Schue.
Zilch.
"I ain't kissing him," Puck says, scowling. Matt punches him in the arm, and Finn hopes it hurt.
"Guess it's your turn, Finn," Kurt says. "Unless you already... ?"
"No," Finn says. He'd never even considered himself an option, because sometimes he really is that stupid.
He walks up to Schue, and he wants to say his teacher looks peaceful, serene, and all those other good words, but mostly he looks pale, tired and sort of dead. Finn absently combs a bit of stray hair off Schue's forehead as he leans down.
He's only kissed a handful of people -- Quinn, Rachel, his junior high girlfriend -- all girls, and all of them awake at the time, so he's not really sure how to go about this other than just doing it. So he does, he closes that last little bit of distance and fits his lips to Schue's. His lips are really warm.
Finn stays there for two heartbeats -- is his heart beating faster or slower than usual? He can't tell -- and backs away.
Nothing.
Finn is definitely crying now, and he can feel someone behind him -- Rachel? Kurt? Quinn? -- touch his arm and say something in a soothing voice, like he's a spooked animal.
"Maybe we should take him to the hospital now? Okay, Finn?"
And he's answering, "yeah, yeah we should," without really hearing himself. He is so fucking stupid. If Mr. Schuester dies, it'll be all his fault for going through with this, oh god, how is he this fucking dumb?
"You're not stupid, Finn, you're upset," someone says. Great, now his brain filter's broken on top of everything else. Everybody wraps around him, pulling him blindly into the center of the group, patting his back and whispering things in his ears and Finn fucking cries like a baby.
"He'll be okay."
"You're gonna be fine."
"We got you."
"So. When you guys said you'd get along over my dead body, you really weren't kidding, were you?"
Tina screams in Finn's ear. Schue -- awake, Jesus Christ he's awake -- laughs. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
Finn hugs him so hard he nearly knocks him off the bed.
"I'm glad you're not dead," he whispers.
Schue kisses his temple and ruffles his hair.
~fin
Epilouge
Puck walks into school on Monday feeling thoroughly gayer, in all senses of the word. After the queer fest on Saturday, he's not sure if he wants to take a few hundred hetero-showers and get it off him, or just deal.
It did feel pretty awesome to watch Schuester wake up like that, with everybody hugging him and making stupid jokes. And now Finn and Mr. Schuester are in a weird sort-of-relationship thing that everyone in the glee club is pretending not to know about, but whatever.
Puck thinks he can deal with it. This time.
Hummel is at his locker, sans fag hag. Puck walks up to him and drapes himself over the locker next to his.
"What are you gonna do, now that Finn's off the market?" he asks.
"I guess I could settle for you," Hummel answers, not missing a beat. He's smiling.
Puck smiles back.
This he can definitely deal with.